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Never Been to Summer Camp

by Yo! the Moon

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1.
Overture 00:49
Another year, another layer of me. Remembering remembering, but not really actively. Trapped in memories at night that feel just like TV, and TV lied to me. And it makes me realize I haven't highfived someone in a really long time- is that all life is gonna be? Misreading the guarantees? No chaperone, no hand to hold, no one to blame when I'm a fading ghost... I wanna play Miss Mary Mack, I want to walk the streets at night, I want to say my word aloud, I want to sit and watch the clouds. Just a summer wind, just a little kid, unsure what it is I'll be. I guess that's your 20s.
2.
Adulting 02:53
I think that I need a chaperone, too big a world to be home alone. Tell me what to, tell me what to do. Too young to learn, too old to go to school. I've never even been to summer camo (never been to summer camp), and I can't draw an ampersand. (can't form it with my childish hands) Maybe I'll run away to Amsterdam ....I've never even been to summer camp. I don't want to be the adult in my home, I can't even order Chinese on the phone. Guess I'll call the shots and see what hell it brings, for now continue this fake adulting. But I've never even been to summer camp. (never been to summer camp) I just wanna sit home and watch Space Jam, (I mean how good it Space Jam?). I get anxious when I have plans (too anxious for any plans) how'm I ever gonna make a stand? I've never even been to summer camp. How'm I ever gonna make a stand? (Never been to summer camp) x3 Oh little playmate, come out and play with me, and bring your dollies three, climb up my apple tree Shout down my rain barrel, slide down my cellar door, and we'll be best of friends forever more- 1, 2, 3 4! We'll be best of friends forever more- 1, 2, 3 4!
3.
Unseasonable 02:38
The sidewalk is so hot I think that I might fry and I'd stop this awful walk, but I'm afraid I'm ride or die. The sun is overhead, but spring only lasts a day, and the summer lasts as long as it takes to close your eyes and say: "Oh the sun... I wish you'd go away." I am unseasonable I am unreasonable. Shorts above the knee with too many covers on in the fall. I like the leaves in red but they are past their prime, and I hear that ice and snow brings tricks and alibis. I am not my best in one type of weather, I am torn up pieces carefully glued together- a collage, made of waxy feather. I am unseasonable, I am unreasonable. Can't stick to a degree, sweat or freeze no forecast could ever last. I am unseasonable. I am unreasonable. I am unseasonable.
4.
5.
I have been a little kid for longer than is physically possible I have been alive for longer than feels physically possible
6.
My feet are too small for my footprints, line my pockets with dandelion heads and mint, to keep the bad away, to find a way to stay. What if I am a pilot on a plane that crashed ages ago? What if I am a baby left in the rain with nowhere to go? And nobody to hold me, hold me close? Nobody to sing me to sleep. Nobody to pull me, pull me close. Nobody, nobody, nobody. I'm dragging my feet trying to get to somewhere else, I'm so afraid of running right into myself. A creature rereleased, a poor domestic beast. A poor, domestic- What if I am a guest room, left waiting in disuse? What if I am a spirt fighting fading, never let loose? (loose) And nobody, nobody, nobody (What if I? What if I?) (Line my pockets with dandelion heads and mint) (creature rereleased)
7.
Yr 20s 02:39
At the tender age of 23 I sat there in my humdrumdry, I sat there, sitting on my bed, wondering if I'd ever see the things I always wanted to see. At the tender age of 23 x2 Does anybody have a map? Does anybody else have a roadmap in their head? Of all the places you want to go before you're dead? Of all the things you want to feel? Is it ever gonna be real? If I could find a way to run far away, if there was a way I could tear myself into tiny pieces- each one with their own eyes to see, each one with their own legs to run free.. If I x3 At the tender age of 23 x3 At the tender age of 23 I sat, sitting in my room, covered in the gloom, the dust that settles when you're not doing what you want to do. Sitting, trapped inside a cycle, where you don't know where the end is to the circle. At the tender age of 23 x2 ah, ah , ah, ah......
8.
Interlude 01:36
9.
If said words I didn't think I'd ever say, and words for things I didn't think would go away, but I am just an acorn, not yet a mighty tree. I'm not even sure that's what I'll grow to be. I've worn out shoes I didn't think would even fit, I've broken glass and learned to cherish it, and learned to dress the wound, and circumvent the curse. Things could be better, but I'm glad they're not still worse. Oh I am just an acorn, not yet a might tree, I'm not even sure that's what I'll grow to be
10.
Sunlight in our eyes but we'll be fine as we watch the clouds pass by. Taking shape in our shapeless minds, as we watch the clouds pass by. What do you see? (x3) I see a house, and a home, a place somewhere I could be, I see open arms, reaching out, reaching themselves right towards me. (Watching as the clouds pass by Watching as the clouds pass by) I see wings trying to carry me away, and heels dug into the mud I see legs ready to move again and the face of one too scared to try to run Oh what do you see? (x3) What do you see What do you see as the clouds pass by? Wavering and waving hands, my own deep in the grass, the sky's turned purpled blue the sun setting too fast I don't want to say goodbye, or tear my eyes away from the things I can't stop seeing, will you please just stay? After all the clouds pass by? Watching as the clouds pass by. Watching as the stars come out and distract our wandering minds; Oh watching as the clouds pass by.
11.
Never thought that I would have a degree, a job, or a card. How was tiny teenage me supposed to know I’d get this far? You tell me I should plan ahead but I would rather go to bed, I can’t pretend I know what’s in store for me. There’s no guarantee I’ll live past 23, there’s no guarantee I’ll live past 24. I’d have to see to believe, I’ve counted bad eggs before. There’s no guarantee I’ll live past 29, there’s no guarantee I’ll live past 31. I want to pack my bags, quit while I’m ahead and run. There’s no guarantee! Time is fake! There’s no guarantee! Time! Is! Fake!
12.
Passed/Past 03:01
I’m afraid I’m past the best years of my life and I spent them obsessing over the future. I’m afraid all the things that I love won’t ever last, and I’ll waste away obsessing over everything that is unsure. Oh I’m afraid I’m passed, I’m afraid I’m past. I’m afraid I’m past, Oh, I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’ll never feel the way I did in college, with my hands in other hands, feeling free. Like the road goes ever on to somewhere wonderful, to somewhere solid, and that all of us someday we will belong. Oh I’m afraid I’m passed, I’m afraid I’m past. I’m afraid I’m past, I’m afraid I’m passed. I want to reclaim the feeling. I want to feel like I’m not at an ending. I want to reclaim the way I used to feel. I want to feel free I want to have breathing room. I want to feel free I want to have room to grow I want to be free, I wan to feel like I’m 17. I want to be free I want to have breathing room. I want to be free I want to have room to grow I want to be free, I wan to feel like I am 23.

about

Recorded entirely during Quarantine! That means a slightly spiraling me, a lot of imperfect timing with the outside world, and one string missing on my banjo that I couldn't get a replacement for.
An uncertainty about life, the ill fitting feeling about everything, a wondering and wandering, but set to that early to late spring feeling of sun and growth

credits

released April 27, 2020

Thank you to Travis Love Benson, Carly Northup, and Arielle Williams for their voices (and improv answers) on Interlude.

Thank you to Travis Love Benson as well as Jay Law Asche and tumblr users rrriotbabe, tinymacaroni, whimsybrain, and alygatr for their contributions to Eek I'm Scared

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Yo! the Moon Potsdam, New York

Just a star in Orion's belt reincarnated as a small bug living in a birch tree currently having a strange dream about being a 23 year old college grad pretending to play banjo and other noises.
What am I doing with my life? Honestly, my best
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